I just recently encountered something that, in my 17 years of tutoring, I have never had before - my tutee started crying during tutoring.
It kind of came out of nowhere, really caught me off guard, and I just kind of froze at first. I'm not a very emotional girl, and I don't come from a very emotional family, so I was kind of at a loss as to what to do.
To make matters more unexpected, my tutee is a big, grown man (sports player) in his late-20s, who just went to pieces on me during tutoring.
We obviously stopped what we were doing (going over equations), he took a few minutes, composed himself, and then we took a few minutes to talk.
I asked him, without getting too personal, to let me in on what was bothering him. I figured it was pure frustration with the material (calculus), and that he was fed up with the difficulties he was having with the class (he was barely getting a C-).
Turns out, it was far worse than mere coursework or tutoring frustration.
He has an elderly relative who is very ill. A relative he has been very close to since he was a kid, and the thought of losing this relative is breaking his heart.
The tears didn't stem from frustration, but from being overwhelmed. The situation with his relative, combined with working 40+ hours every week, family problems, sports obligations, and a full time course schedule, was just too much for him to handle.
Understandably so. It would have driven me to tears as well.
After talking for a few more minutes, we switched gears, and went into problem solving mode again.
But this time it wasn't math problems we were solving. This time we were going over some stress management strategies, laying out a better study schedule, and discussing ways that he could lighten his schedule a little bit.
At the end of our 10 minute discussion, my tutee felt better, and I had learned something important.
Never assume.
Assuming that my tutee was simply frustrated would have made me miss out an opportunity to get to know my tutee better.
My incorrect assumption also would have robbed my tutee of the opportunity to "get things off his chest."
The wrong assumption would have eliminated the possibility of having a constructive discussion with my tutee, and subsequently wouldn't have allowed me and my tutee to come up with some strategies for dealing with his schedule and stress level.
So any tutors out there who find themselves in a similar tutoring situation, remember: Communication is key! Don't assume anything, and keep those lines of communication flowing between tutor and tutee.
Anonymous in MA
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