Ask Micki: The disparaging parent

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Question: Hi, Micki, I need some help with a really awkward tutoring situation I've gotten involved in during these past few months. 

I tutor a really smart student named Jason*.  He's in the 12th grade, and I've been tutoring him in chemistry during his senior year. 

Like I said, Jason is a sharp guy, and follows each tutoring session with no problems at all.  He's excited about going to college out of state next year, and is working hard to achieve his goals.

He pays attention, does his homework, finishes the extra exercises, and always makes sure to participate in the class extra credit assignments.  He's the perfect tutee to have, and I look forward to our tutoring sessions.

The problem is his parents.  I don't want to come off sounding mean, but they are horrible!

Jason brings home an A-, and they yell at him for not getting 100% on the homework.  He gets his extra credit work done early, and they complain that he doesn't make time for sports.  It's like no matter what Jason does, his parents won't get off his back, and it is driving me crazy to watch. 

It's also affecting Jason, and he feels really insecure and bad about himself.

They are, in a word, mean...and (in two more words) not supportive.

They even tell me not to work too hard on him, because he probably won't get it anyway.

Help!
A.K.
* Name changed to protect privacy.

Answer: Hi, A.K.  Yikes, that is a horrible situation. I feel bad for you, and worse for your poor tutee.  He sounds like a great kid, and it's unfortunate that he's been stuck with parents who make him feel so badly about himself. 

The great news is, he has you as a tutor! 

It sounds like you are supportive and enthusiastic when it comes to his work - just what he needs right now - and that you make the time to encourage him in his studies.

So definitely keep doing what you're doing.  Your attitude is undoubtedly good for Jason's morale.  That, coupled with the fact that he'll be leaving for college in not too long, has got to make it a little easier for Jason to be excited about the future - he has something to look forward to, and that can be a great motivator. 

Apart from that, maybe you could pull the parents aside, and (in a very non-confrontational way) let them know that Jason does great work with motivation and encouragement.  Let them know that a little praise goes a long way, and that some encouraging words will help Jason stay focused and enthusiastic academically.

Again, you don't want to make things worse at home, so present every word in a positive light, never sounding accusatory.  Stay upbeat, and approach the situation as though you are handing out a few expert tips from the tutoring world. 

After all, a lot of tutoring is all about encouragement, support, and interpersonal communication.  They may appreciate the tips! (They certainly sounds as though they need them, too.)

Good luck, and let us know how things turn out for you!

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Photo credit: © imru2b12
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Ask Micki: Accepting a gift as a tutor

© iprole

Question: Hi, Micki. I'm wondering if it is OK to accept a gift from my tutee's parents. 

Let me explain a little bit - I know that my tutee's family isn't very well off financially right now, and every penny counts. 

The economy hit them pretty hard, and I wound up reducing my rates almost in half so that I could keep tutoring their daughter.  She's 8 years old, a great student, and a lot of fun to work with during tutoring. 

Despite the economic situation, my tutee's parents generously gave me a gift card as a "Christmas thanks" for all of the help and tutoring over the past 7 months. 

Should I accept it?

Thanks for your advice,
Alecia
Dayton, OH

Answer: Hi, Alecia.  First of all, what a great person you are for thinking of your tutee's parents' situation before your own excitement over a gift card. That's impressive, and you should be congratulated for making their lives a little easier during this tough time. 

The short answer - Yes, definitely accept the gift card graciously, and make sure to hand write a thank you note.  (Not trying to sound like your mother, here, but hand written thank you notes go a long way in today's high tech society!)

This purchase was likely a bit of a stretch for them right now, and the last thing you want to do is hurt their feelings by refusing to accept their generous gift.  So, accept it thankfully, and be thrilled that they are so happy with you as their daughter's tutor!

That said, if you are still concerned, and don't want them breaking the bank for you, reciprocate in a way that will not look insulting.  Stop by a favorite store or restaurant of theirs and pick up a modest gift card.  No, it doesn't have to match the gift they gave you. 

You could also pick up a gift card to a local toy store, clothing store, or even megastore for their daughter.  This would allow their daughter to pick up a fun new toy or outfit without it costing her parents a penny.  I'm sure they would be very thankful for that! 

Another option is to do some pro bono work, if you can afford to, for a week or two.  Or, print out some "Free Tutoring Session" cards to give to your tutee's parents.  They can redeem them whenever they need to do so.

You can also opt for any combination of the above.  Whatever you decide, make sure to present the gifts with a smile on your face...and don't forget to write that thank you note!

Happy holidays, and merry tutoring!

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Photo credit:
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Ask Micki: Holiday gift giving

© iprole

Question: Hi, Micki. I was hoping for an answer to a quick question about the holiday season and gift giving advice for tutors. 

I tutor the sciences, mostly chemistry, to high school and college students.  However, I do have a few young science tutees who are in elementary school.

I want to get my tutees something for the holiday season, but I am not sure what to get them.  Plus, I am wondering if it is even an appropriate to buy my tutees gifts.  Is it an acceptable gesture?

Lastly, I am a college student myself, and a broke student at that, so I need gifts that cost under $5 each, since I have 11 tutees to buy for this year.

Thanks, and happy holidays,
Victor from NY

Answer: Happy holidays to you, too, Victor, and thanks for the question!

In short, I'd say - Yes! Buying a small gift for each of your tutees will be an unexpected, and very appreciated gesture. 

The good news - little holiday gifts need not cost more than about $5 each.  To be honest, it is generally more appropriate that they be small tokens of appreciation rather than lavish, expensive gifts, so the $5 mark you set is very reasonable.

Here's a few ideas that I have used in the past for my tutees during the holiday season.  Each has the official Micki guarantee, too - my tutees loved these!

• Gift card - this can be to one of their favorite coffee houses, a local restaurant, a toy store, or a nearby bookstore.  True, the dollar amount isn't high, but it will be enough to buy a much appreciated cup of coffee, a sandwich, a small educational toy, or a new paperback.  Also great is the fact that gift card are easy to wrap, fun to receive, and very portable.

• Themed pencils/pens/highlighters/crayons/markers - check out your local office supply store for holiday themed writing implements that will put your tutee into the holiday spirit.  "Best gift ever!" was what I heard when I gave one of my smiling 9 year old tutees a set of holiday scented pencils. She loved them!

• Other themed office supplies - while you are at the office supply store (or online), keep an eye out for erasers, notebooks, file folders, sticker, or any other cheery, holiday themed office supplies.

• Travel mugs - these can often be found on sale for around $5, and my tutees have always liked receiving these.

 • Learning aids - these can be great if you know what your tutee needs.  Do you have a 10 year old studying botany? Go for a learning aid related to plant growth.  Have a tutee who loves dinosaurs? Pick up a wooden dinosaur puzzle.  Tutoring a college student in beginning chemistry? Opt for a study guide or laminated study card.

Anyone else have any great tutee gift ideas?  Mention them in the comments section, and help Victor out with some great ideas!

Good luck with the shopping trip, and happy tutoring!

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Photo credit:
© sxc.hu/iprole

Field Notes: Sports Tutoring

I wanted to share an experience that I recently had with my tutee that I thought might help or inspire other tutors out there. 

First of all, my name is Jaimille, and I usually tutor science subjects to middle school and high school students.  I'm also an ice skater, and skated semi-pro for a few years.  The two are related, I promise!

Anyway, I was talking to one of my tutees and her mom a few months ago, and the subject of ice skating came up in the conversation.  My tutee's mom asked if I would be willing to teach her daughter (my tutee) how to ice skate.  She had wanted to learn for a lot of years, but gets really nervous in large group class settings when it comes to sports. 

Honestly, at first I almost said no.  Then I thought back to something I read right here on the blog.  It was about branching outside of your tutoring "comfort zone," and tutoring non-traditional subjects that fall outside your standard set of tutoring subjects. 

So, I said yes, and my tutee and I started meeting once a week for biology, and once a week for ice skating.

It has been a phenomenal experience!

Almost instantly we worked more effectively together during the biology tutoring; I think it was because we were having fun and bonding on the ice. 

Our communication improved (both on and off the ice), we were having fun while learning, and my tutee seemed much more focused and enthusiastic.

Overall, it has been a great experience, and I am thrilled that I said yes.  I would definitely recommend it to other tutors.  If you get a chance to tutor non-traditional subjects, whether it's music, dance, sports, etc., definitely go for it!