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I am a grad student at university, and I get tutoring at my university's learning center. My tutor is a smart guy, and a good tutor, but he is making me really uncomfortable with his pushy flirting. It started out innocently enough, and I kind of tried to ignore it, but lately it has gotten out of hand.
I don't feel comfortable being hit on by my tutor. I'm there to learn, plus I am already in a relationship with someone. I told him all of this, told him that he needed to stop, and told him that he was making me uncomfortable, but it didn't do any good. He's still being pushy.
Last week he kept putting his hand on my leg, asking me to stay late until the tutoring center closed. Then he went on about the things he could do for me after hours. It was bad enough that I canceled my tutoring session for this week. I don't want it affecting my grades, but I don't want to hurt his feelings. What do I do? This doesn't seem right to me.
Thanks,
Anonymous and needing help!
Answer: Hi, Anonymous. Yikes, that sounds awkward, and (honestly) a bit scary! Sorry you are going through it, but I applaud you for knowing where to draw the line when it comes to keeping the tutoring professional.
You are right when you say that what he is doing seems wrong - what your tutor is doing is against the ethics followed by professional tutors. He is being completely unprofessional, and taking away the effectiveness of the tutoring environment.
You mentioned that you already tried talking to him, and it didn't work out, so my suggestion of trying to have a conversation with him about it is out. It sounds as though this tutor is beyond the conversation phase of things.
You also mentioned that you are getting tutoring at your university's learning center, so I assume that there is someone in charge there (a director, a supervisor, etc.). I would recommend talking to the supervisor in charge of the learning center, and let him or her know about what has been going on with you and your tutor.
Be prepared to give details, times and dates (to the best of your recollection), and be open and honest about how it is making you feel.
Chances are, he or she can help you two get things figured out, or refer you to another tutor who will behave more appropriately. Either way, your tutor's behavior is beyond inappropriate, and he needs to have a talk with the person in charge about it.
Letting a supervisor know what's been happening will help you, and prevent him from making other tutee's uncomfortable in the future.
Honestly, if you want my personal recommendation, I would talk to the learning center supervisor request a new tutor, because this young man does not sound as though he knows how to behave appropriately with his tutees.
Whatever you do, don't let this turn you off of tutoring completely - trust me, there are plenty of well trained, ethical, great tutors out there who know how to treat tutees with respect.
Good luck, and please, stop by and let us know how things went!
*****
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