Ask Micki: Tutee with a hygiene problem.

Question: Hi, Micki, I have an embarrassing situation that I need your help with ASAP.  I have been tutoring a guy in college mathematics.  He's a great tutee, pays attention, and is cool to work with. 

One problem- and I don't know how to put this delicately- he has really, really bad body odor. 

It's bad enough that it is affecting my concentration, and I feel like we aren't having the most successful tutoring sessions because of it.  As summer heats up, I can only see this becoming a bigger problem.  Help!

Thanks,
Anon. in So. Cal.

Answer: Hi, there.  Sorry to hear about your awkward situation - personal grooming and hygiene issues are difficult to approach, because you don't want to embarrass your tutee or hurt his feelings. 

The thing is, if it is affecting your tutoring sessions together, you need to mention it somehow.  Think of it this way - you will be doing him a favor in the long run.  Just make sure to approach the situation subtly, and with compassion.

Here's what I would do:

Step One: Casually drop a few hints about summer heat causing excess perspiration, how difficult it can be to stay fresh and dry during the summer months, how many people seem to forget deodorant during hot months, etc.  Quite often, by dropping some hints, you will be able to help the situation without directly approaching the issue head on. 

Step Two: If step one didn't have much effect, try a change of scenery.  Mention that as it heats up, it may be a good idea to meet somewhere breezy and air conditioned.  Ask him if he swims or works out - maybe you two could meet right after he has showered, alleviating the bodily funk issue.

Step Three: When all else fails, try the direct, polite approach.  Mention that you have noticed that, as it has gotten warmer outside, both of you have been sweating a lot more.  Lighten the mood by joking that it nay be tough to study in a funky environment, and suggest that maybe you two could meet after it cools down for the evening, meet in an air conditioned space, etc.  If you make the problem into something that affects both of you (i.e. sweating), he will be less offended by it, and more grateful that you want to keep from stinking up the session.

Good luck and, as always, happy tutoring!
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