 |
| © sxc.hu/imru2b12 |
I've been tutoring a high school girl in math for about 3 months now. Of those three months, all but one tutoring appointment (our first session) has been a nightmare.
She is always late (15-20 minutes each time), never pays attention, makes snippy remarks when I try to show her a new concept, and is just an overall brat.
She is constantly telling me, "I already know this stuff - next!" Unfortunately, it is clear that she doesn't yet know the concepts. Test results, homework grades, and our tutoring sessions have shown me that she really needs quite a bit of help.
When I asked her about the lateness, she said, and I'm quoting here, "I had cheer practice today, so you'll just have to deal with it."
I am at the end of my rope. I want to help her learn algebra, but not at the cost of my sanity. She is so rude, and it just feels like she doesn't want to learn anything.
I talked to her Mom, and she shared my frustration - this is her daughter's second attempt to pass algebra, and she has already burned through 3 other tutors.
Help!
Anonymous and desperate, CA
Answer: Woah, Anonymous, you have quite a bit of patience putting up with this for 3 months. I applaud your tenacity, and I am sorry that you are having a rough time with this tutee. She sounds like a "real pill," as my grandmother used to say.
I'm also happy to hear that you already talked to your tutee's mother. Communicating with a tutee's parent(s) is typically my first suggestion. If you feel comfortable, and have not already done so, maybe you could talk to your tutee's parent about moving the tutoring appointment so that it doesn't interfere with your tutee's extracurricular activities. It will remove the potential for lateness, and will take away her excuses for why she is tardy.
If that seems to be a dead end, you'll want to move on to step two. Talk to your tutee directly. Be friendly, open, and honest about your tutoring sessions. Ask her why she is acting the way she is towards you. Let her know that it bothers you, and that it is not a productive way to spend your time. Ask what you can do to improve the tutoring session. Ask her what she feels she needs help with in her class.
By putting the responsibility back on her, she will likely take accountability for her actions, will feel more involved in the tutoring process, and will behave more appropriately.
You can also ask her to "humor you" for the first 20 minutes of the session by going over the things that she "already knows." After the 20 minute review, you can move on to the areas she feels more concerned with learning.
It could be that she doesn't realize how rude she really is. Yes, it sounds crazy, but you would be surprised how many people I've come across over the past few years who seem to be oblivious to their own rude behavior. It is as if they are stunned when they find out that their behavior and actions are impolite. Typically, once they know, they stop being so rude.
It could also be that she is feeling self-conscious, nervous, and defensive about needing a tutor, or about not knowing the subject matter. This could be especially true since she had to repeat the class once already.
I once worked with a tutor whose nervous, self-conscious behavior manifested itself as anger and frustration. He would get incredibly defensive and pretty angry whenever he didn't understand a concept. Simply put, he was embarrassed by his academic inexperience. When we started to go over something new, he would proclaim that he already knew what he was doing and didn't need help.
After talking openly about it (keeping the conversation bright, cheerful, and motivating the whole time) he admitted that he didn't feel very smart, and was embarrassed that his friends knew he had a tutor. I let him know that a lot of different types of students get tutors, not just ones that aren't doing well in a class. There are a lot of "A" students with tutors.
I also made sure to encourage him as we worked, always letting him know that I was proud of his progress. I let him know that even the most difficult concepts were learned by starting slowly, taking small steps, and building a knowledge foundation for more advanced concepts.
By keeping the tone upbeat and encouraging, things smoothed themselves out after a few more weeks.
Last but not least, the more negative side of my answer - if the situation doesn't improve, drop her as a client. Life is too short to be abused by someone you are trying to help. Most of the time, you will be able to fix the problems before you need to drop a client, but sometimes it is unavoidable.
Whatever happens, I wish you the best of luck, and please stop back to let us know how things shaped up for you!
----------------------------------------------------
Photo credit: © imru2b12
http://www.sxc.hu/profile/imru2b12
No comments:
Post a Comment