Ask Micki: Tutee with helicopter parents

Question: Hi, Micki, I really need your advice on this moderately annoying situation.

I am tutoring a 17 year old in French.  He is a really bright kid, is already pulling As and Bs on all the tests, has a good grade point average, and pays attention during tutoring.  He isn't the problem - his mom, unfortunately, is.  She hovers throughout the tutoring, interrupts every 5 minutes (no, I'm not exaggerating, it really is every 5 minutes), asks a ton of questions about the session, tells me how to go over the French flashcards, gives me "advice" on how to tutor, etc. 

Parental involvement is great, but this is getting difficult to work with every week.  My tutee is getting annoyed with her (he told me this himself), and I'm not too excited about these tutoring sessions either.  Any ideas how I can get her to not hover over the tutoring sessions?

Thanks for your help!
A.R.

Answer: Heya, A.R., I feel your pain.  Having someone hover, and try to "help" during a tutoring session can be really distracting for both the tutor and the tutee.  Reminds me of those old signs that used to be in mechanics shops - the ones that read:

Standard rate: $50/hour
If you watch me work: $75/hour
If you try to help while I work: $100/hour  :-)

All joking aside, though, it can be a really frustrating experience.  Unfortunately, from what I have heard from other tutors (and experienced myself), the parental hovering during tutoring sessions seems to be a growing phenomenon.

One thing that you can try is dropping hints to the parent.  Mentioning that tutoring takes a lot of concentration, making a show of having no music or television during the session, and letting her know that her son does great when he can fully focus are all hints that may let the mom know that tutoring is one hour when she doesn't need to "help." 

If the hints don't work, you may try moving tutoring locations.  Try mentioning that it would be a good idea to tutor at her son's school or at the local library.  You can mention that the environment is quiet, conducive to studying, and that there are plenty of resources there (i.e. reference books, dictionaries, etc.) to use during tutoring.

If, for some reason, she doesn't like that idea, you can always try talking to her directly about the problem.  This can be tricky, and you'll need to tread lightly.

Mention that, while you appreciate her help and her enthusiasm about her son's eduction, the tutoring hour is really a time when he needs to have his focus fully on the French language.  Make sure she knows how important concentration is during a tutoring session. 

If all else fails, insist that if she interrupts, it must be in French.  Chances are, that will cut back on the interruptions...or at least give him an opportunity to practice French! :-)

Good luck and, as always, happy tutoring!