Ask Micki: Constant Swearing

Question: Hey Micki, I have a situation with one of my tutees, and I am hoping you can shed some light on what I can do about it.  I am tutoring a junior high student who swears nonstop. I'm not talking about a mid-level swear word thrown out here and there, I'm talking full on swearing throughout the entire tutoring session.  It is like tutoring Eddie Murphy in the 1980s, and I am getting tired of every other word out of this kids mouth being the f-bomb.  Any ideas?  Oh, and, ironically, I am tutoring him in English.

Thanks!
James in CA

Answer:  Hey, James.I know where you're coming from - I've been in similar situations before and it is funny on one level and downright awkward on another.  First thing I did when I was tutoring a 14 year old with a "potty mouth" (ironically, also in English)  was talk to his parents.  I wasn't trying to get him in trouble, but I wanted to make sure that they knew. 

I let them know that their son and I were supposed to be working on English together, and that their son not expanding his vocabulary outside of the swear words was going to hurt his English grades.  I also let them know that tutoring would be much more effective if my tutee was able to challenge his vocabulary during the sessions rather than falling back on sub-par language choices.

They were aware of the problem, and agreed to try working with him a little more often to get him to clean up his language. 

I also talked to my tutee, and told him pretty much the same thing that I told his parents -  that his grades, and the tutoring, would be even better if he challenged himself when it came to his vocabulary.  I even helped him come up with some impressive sounding words that conveyed the feelings he was trying to relay using the swear words. 

I did this by asking him what he wanted to convey with each swear word.  For example, my tutee chose one particular swear word as a way to express disgust with a situation.  So, we replaced that particular swear word with words like, "abominable," "dreadful," "appalling," "gruesome," "ghastly," "grungy"...you get the idea.  It worked really well, the tutee had fun with the new words, and he stopped the constant swearing during the tutoring sessions.

In another situation, unfortunately the parents knew of their 13 year old son's swearing, but didn't feel that it was a problem.  So, I did what I had done before - I talked to the tutee directly, and helped him improve his vocabulary.  When a student has a bank of words from which to borrow, the swearing tends to clear itself up pretty quickly.

Good luck and, as always, happy tutoring!