Ask Micki: My tutee is really shy - what to do?

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Question: Hi, Micki, I have a minor problem with one of my tutees.

You see, I started tutoring a kid in junior high who started out really shy.  I mean, he would barely say 10 words during the entire session, and it was tough to get him to say that much. 

Fast forward a few weeks: he is still just as shy as he was when we started out with our tutoring sessions.

Any ideas on what I can do to bring him out of his shell a little? 

I definitely respect that everyone is different, and that shy is OK.  In fact, I'm a little shy myself, and think that not everyone needs to be outgoing.  I am just hoping to make him a little more comfortable during tutoring so that he can get the most out of our session.

Thanks for your help,
J.A. from IA

Answer: Hey, J.A., thanks for your question!

First of all, I applaud you for being so open minded about personality differences.  So many people are not accepting of shyness and try to force everyone to be an extrovert, so I was impressed and happy to see your accepting attitude towards shyness.  Your tutee is a lucky kid!

That being said, there are a few ways to help your tutee more actively participate in the tutoring.

First step - ask lots of questions.  Don't make them interrogation style, rapid fire questions.  Instead, ask what your tutee thinks in a positive, enthusiastic tone.  By answering questions, and getting involved in learning the subject, your tutee cannot help but open up a bit more during tutoring.

Second step - praise the answers.  If your tutee is participating, and gives you a correct answer, make sure not to gloss over it and move on.  Take a few seconds to offer some praise, and a few words of encouragement.  If the answer isn't correct, praise your tutee for attempting an answer, and offer some words of encouragement about that.  Don't go over the top, though - be honest and genuine.

Third step - wrap ups, introductions, summaries, and more questions.  At the end of your tutoring session, take a few minutes and have your tutee summarize and wrap up what was learned.  Ask him if he has any questions.  Talk about the game plan for next week's tutoring, his homework, etc.  During your next session, warm up by asking him about the most exciting thing he learned during the week.

You get the idea - get your tutee talking not only about the tutoring, but about himself, his school, the material, etc.

Good luck, and happy tutoring!


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