Question: Hi, Micki, I need some help with an really uncomfortable, really awkward situation. I just started tutoring someone a few weeks ago, and all of a sudden, out of the blue, he started making some really inappropriate comments. I tried to brush it off the first time, but it kept getting worse. Last time we met, he tried to rub my shoulders. What should I do? I don't want to be mean, or offend him and lose a client, but this is really awkward, and I dread our tutoring sessions.
Help!
[Name withheld by request] in CA
Answer: Hi there. Sorry to hear about your awkward situation. Any unwanted attention can be uncomfortable, but it is especially bad in a working environment.
First thing: you don't need to accept the unwanted attention. In a firm, but polite way, let your tutee know that you are uncomfortable with the touching and the comments. If you feel like you need a reason, tell your tutee that you aren't the touchy-feely type, that you are involved with someone else, etc.
Above all else, tell your tutee that you want to keep things professional between the two of you, and the comments and touching can't happen.
I know that you said that you do not want to lose a client over this, and I understand where you are coming from, but your safety and comfort needs to come before business. If he is making you uncomfortable, it is worth the risk of losing him as a tutee if he refuses to respect your boundaries.
That being said, I wouldn't worry too much about losing him as a client once you tell him to stop with the unwanted attention. I have been in a very similar circumstance a few times over the years, and typically the tutee will be a bit embarrassed, apologize, and after a few minutes of awkward tension, things will return to normal.
Last piece of advice,try to meet in a neutral, public area - believe me, it will make things much more comfortable in this situation.
Good luck, and as always, happy tutoring!
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