Ask Micki: Tutor comparisons

© Gastonmag

Questions: Bonjour, Micki! I was contacted by a family who needed a French tutor for their daughter. 

Their previous tutor of 2 years had gone away to college, and they needed someone to continue to help their daughter conjugate those French verbs.

The situation I'm having is that they are CONSTANTLY comparing me to their old tutor, Paula (not her real name). 

When I present a topic, I'm told, "that isn't the way Paula did things." When we work on vocabulary, I'm told, "Paula always went over the words like this..."  If I give a mini-quiz, I hear about how Paula never did that.

This happens at least a dozen times per session. It's driving me crazy!

Any help for this?

Merci!
Allison

Answer: Hi Allison, thanks for your question.  Believe it or not, this is a fairly common complaint when it comes to tutoring. 

The good news is, time is the best remedy for this type of situation.  Over time, "Paula always did it this way..." will be gradually replaced by, "This is how Allison and I work through the French assignment..."

That said, I imagine you'd like a way to deal with this right now, so I'll give you a few tips that I used to handle a similar situation in my own life as a new tutor.

First of all, take a few minutes to talk to your tutee. Good, open, friendly communication is key.  Find out what Paula did that worked so well, and see if any of the ideas are something you'd consider implementing during your tutoring sessions. 

Maybe Paula did a mini-quiz recap at the end of the session that may be a fun idea to continue, maybe she used flashcards that you would consider using, etc.  By keeping the dialogue (and your mind) open to new suggestions, your tutee will feel heard, and you may pick up a few good ideas for your sessions!

Also, you may consider taking a few minutes to talk about how you understand that Paula had a certain way of doing things, but so do you.  Keep the tone upbeat and positive.  Play up the good points of your tutoring style and technique.  Let the tutee (and her parents) know that with a new tutor comes wonderful new opportunities for learning, and new ways of approaching a topic.  Mention how utilizing new learning styles keeps the mind active and the material fresh.

It could be that just hearing about the newness of your tutoring will make them enthusiastic enough to drop their old expectations and ways of thinking. 

Good luck, and happy tutoring!

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Photo credit: © sxc.hu/Gastonmag

Ask Micki: Overachiever situation

Question: Hi, Micki, I have a quick question about my tutee who is a self-proclaimed overachiever.

Usually this is a great thing, because he always puts in a lot of extra effort.  This past semester, my tutee needed to take calculus, and it has been a very difficult class for him.  He's tried his absolute best put in a lot of work, has done all of the homework and extra credit assignments...he's been a great tutee. 

Unfortunately, there are only a few weeks left in the semester, and my tutee currently has a C+/B-.  There is only one exam left, worth 10% of the total grade.  Which means, even if my tutee aces it, the highest he can get in the course is a B+.  He's convinced he can get an "A."

How do I gently break the news to my tutee that, at this point in the semester, an "A" is just not possible?

Thanks,
Jeremy

Answer: Hi, Jeremy. Sounds like you have a fantastic tutee, there, who's willing to put a lot of effort into learning!  That's a great thing, no doubt about it, but it can cause some minor problems when the grade in his head isn't matching up with the grade on his report card. 

The best thing for you to do right now is to be encouraging and supportive of your tutee's efforts (not just the grades he brings home). 

Let him know that he is laying a good foundation for success by staying so focused and determined with his work.

Tell him how useful his tenacity and study habits will be for future classes.

Above all else - mention that he can be proud of whatever grade he gets, because he achieved that grade by doing his best.

It may not completely erase his concern over the "A," but it will make him feel better, and it will help him gradually accept whatever grade he ends up with at the end of the course.

Good luck, and happy tutoring!

Ask Micki: What to do about helicopter parents?

© sulaco229

Question: Hi there, Micki. Thanks in advance for your help!

I have been working with a student for nearly one year.  He's 16 years old, and I have been tutoring him in the sciences. Right now, I am tutoring him in Chemistry, and he is doing well.

He pays close attention during tutoring, shows me his homework and tests, does all of the readings, etc.  He's a model tutee.  The problem is, his mom insists on sitting right beside him during every session.

If she was just sitting there observing, while I may think it a bit odd, it wouldn't be too much of a disruption.

The problem is that she interrupts every few minutes with a question or comment, sometimes mentioning that we are both lucky she's there, as her son may not have thought to ask the question she just did.

Another problem is that, every time she interrupts, my tutee gets thrown off track, and it takes us a few minutes to get back into the flow of learning.

At first I thought that she was just observing my tutoring technique or watching how I interacted with her son.  I definitely wouldn't have a problem with that for a little while, but by now she should trust me, and know that her son and I work well together.

We have tutored twice every week for 10 months. 

How do I get this helicopter parent to give us a little space without being offensive?

~ Michael in SC

Answer: Hi, Michael. It sounds like you need to start charging for 2 tutoring sessions instead of one! I'm kidding, of course, but in actuality you are essentially conducting a small group tutoring session for the price of a single tutoring session.  Not fair to you, and not fair to your tutee since it sounds like it is an obstacle for him learning the material.

It is also a tricky situation, because she is his mom, and she's likely the one paying for the sessions - don't want to burn any bridges!

That said, it isn't appropriate for her to be sitting there, disrupting the tutoring session every few minutes.

If you'd like to try the subtle technique first, you can always opt to have a "practice quiz" for your tutee.  Tell mom that he needs to work on the quiz on his own.  Set a timer for 15 minutes, and both of you leave the room.  Do this at the beginning of every session.

This may be enough to break the mental cycle.  All going well, his mom won't feel such a strong need to be by his side as he learns since he has proven that he can get the job done without mom's help (i.e. interference).

It will also provide you with a direct talking point (i.e. the quiz results) during tutoring.  That will provide a focus that is on the material instead of on his mom's questions.  Since his mom didn't take the quiz, she likely won't have many questions about it - the tutee, on the other hand, will. 

If subtel techniques don't work out too well, try a more direct approach.  Show up a few minutes early to your tutoring session, and have a quick, friendly, private talk with mom about needing to keep her son focused during tutoring.

Mention that to keep him totally focused on the material, it may be a good idea to remove all distractions, and that maybe she could check in from a distance.

Present it in a positive light - tell her that, in order to ensure his success in future study situations, he needs to learn how to ask the right questions on his own.

Talk about how she could observe the session from further away so that he can learn to form questions and conclusions independently - 99% of the time, a parent will respond well to this approach, as he or she will not want to hinder his or her child's future academic success.

Good luck, and happy tutoring!

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Photo credit: © sxc.hu/sulaco229