Ask Micki: Another Helicopter Parent Dilemma

© sxc.hu/ilco

Question: Hi, there, Micki, I need some advice on an irritating situation involving my tutee's mom. 

I tutor an 18 year old student in math, and he is a really great tutee to work with every week.  He really puts in the effort, is always on time for tutoring, pays attention during tutoring, works extra time to understand the concepts, and always has his homework finished so that we can review it together.  In other words, he is a dream tutee!

Unfortunately, his mom is a complete helicopter parent, and won't let us work for more than about 5 minutes without interrupting.  I may sound as though I'm exaggerating, but I'm not.  Last time I tutored, I covertly timed how often we were cut off during tutoring.  It was, on average, once every 4 minutes.  She'd tell him he was doing the problem wrong, would tell him to make sure an pay attention (the irony!), or would interrupt to tell him about the chores he would have to do after tutoring.  Needless to say, this is creating problems for getting through tutoring sessions, and each session probably only contains about 30 minutes of actual tutoring thanks to all the interruptions.

She's a nice woman, but it is getting kind of annoying.  I've tried subtly asking for a quiet space with no interruptions, and have asked her politely for fewer distractions.  Even my tutee has asked her (very nicely) to stop interrupting.  It did nothing.  She doesn't insist that we meet at her home, so do you think it would be appropriate to move to another place?

Help, please!
Anonymous

Answer: Hi, Anonymous, thanks for the question, and sorry to hear that you're dealing with the dreaded chopper parent.  It can be tough, frustrating, and the constant disruptions can really rob your tutee of proper tutoring. 

That said, it may make you feel a bit better to know that you are not alone.  Helicopter parenting seems to be a growing phenomenon, and it is definitely creeping into the tutoring arena.  In fact, we have had our fair share of questions on this blog alone about how to work around this helicopter parenting.  It may not always be easy, but it can be done!

It sounds like you and your tutee have already taken the first step - good communication about the situation.  Since it didn't work out, it is time to go to Plan B. 

Yes, by all means, try someplace different.  Move to a different tutoring location, somewhere quiet where you can both concentrate on math.  Try meeting at your tutee's school, at a local library, or at a local community center room.  In all of these places, the tutoring environment is typically quiet, perfect for studying, and that there are often ample resources (math books, WiFi, online math tutorials, etc.) that you can both use during tutoring.

In fact, once the summer is over, and school starts up again, meeting someplace closer to your tutee's school (such as a local library, his school library, etc.) may work out great, and be easier for both of you when it comes to scheduling and convenience. 

Good luck!

Ask Micki: Free or cheap math tutoring supplies?

© RAWKU5

Question: Hi, Micki. I have a quick question for you. I have just started tutoring really recently, as in a few days ago, and I was wondering if you could help me figure out what supplies to get.

I tutor math to elementary school children, and I am looking for some fun math supplies to get that will make tutoring a little more exciting for my tutees. 

The thing is, I am also on an extremely tight budget.  I'm a single mom to 2 kids, and don't have much expendable income after bills, food, and everyday life expenses.

Any ideas that won't cost anything, but will be fun (and educational) for my little math tutees?
Thanks for your help, Micki,
Angie (ITA tutor from CA) 

Answer: Hi, Angie! Good for you, wanting to make math more fun for the kids while still teaching them what they need to know - your tutees will love you for it! 

The good news is, it doesn't have to cost a fortune to have fun math learning tools on hand for your tutees.  In fact, it can range from free to only a few cents in printing costs.

Your first stop should be right here at ITA!
Check out the resources that we have just for math tutors:
http://www.scribd.com/collections/2907423/Mathematics

Some of these will obviously be a bit out of range for your elementary school math needs, but a lot of them will work great for your tutees.  Best of all, they are free!

There are also some free resources out there for math tutors that can be found online.  Head to your favorite search engine, type in, "printable free math resources," "printable math tutor worksheets free" or something along those lines, and take your pick of some good resources for math tutors.  A word of caution: the majority of these resources will be for personal use only.  In other words, you can't reproduce these and sell them, claim them as your own, etc.  But they should be just fine for what you will be using them for - tutoring your math tutees. 

Last but not least, don't overlook your own creativity! Try your hand at making paper (or clay) pizzas and pies for fraction work, colorful worksheets for addition, fun little quizzes for subtraction, math games, flashcards, etc.  Get creative, keep it colorful, have fun, and ask about what types of things your tutee kids would like to see (Dinosaurs, Cowboys, Sharks, Horses, etc.).  Not sure what age your own children are, but if they are about the same age as your tutees, try running some ideas past them. 

Good luck, and stop by when you get a chance to let us know how things worked out for you!

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Photo Credit: © sxc.hu/RAWKU5

Ask Micki: Tutee Poaching

© datarec

Question: Hi, Micki. I have a situation here that is really ticking me off, and it involves an ex-friend, and fellow tutor.


Here's what has happened: my friend and I decided to start tutoring math during our first year of college.  We used to kind of cover for one another, and when she couldn't make appointments, I'd cover for her.  Of course, if I couldn't make sessions, she'd cover for me.  It worked out great, and at one point, we even talked about going into business together.

I'm glad we didn't.  Now, a few years later we are both still tutoring, but there's a problem.  She has been stealing my clients.

She has dropped her rate to a ridiculously low amount (about 25% of what she used to charge. What I still charge.  It is a very fair rate.), and she has been putting ads up at school about avoiding the expensive tutors and hiring her instead.  She has also taken down my posters from the school bulletin boards, I've watched her do it.

To make matters worse, one of my tutees told me that when she ran into her at school, my ex-friend started bad mouthing me, saying that I charge too much, and that she is just as good for much cheaper.  The thing is, I have heard from other tutees that she is not as good, just way cheaper. 

It makes me wonder how many other tutees she told this to who didn't tell me.  Let's just say, I've lost about 10 clients this year, and I'm not happy about it.

What do I do? I've tried talking to her, and all she did was tell me to "get over it" or lower my prices.  We have tried talking about it before, and it always ends badly.  So now what do I do?  Put up ads talking about how cheaper isn't better? Talk to her clients about her? I'm really annoyed, and not sure how to handle this.

Thanks,
Anon.



Answer: Hello, there, anonymous.
Wow, that's an uncomfortable and frustrating situation, I'm sure.

The good news is that it sounds like you are dedicated to quality tutoring at fair rates.  Chances are, several of the tutees who switched to her lower rates will be coming back to you once they discover that they miss the quality tutoring you provide.  The tutees who have stuck with you know that it is about value, not low price, and that they are getting a lot for their money with your services.   

So, keep your head up, and don't let it get you down (I know, easier said than done, but give it your best shot!).  Just continue to offer good tutoring at fair rates, and you will get clients who want to learn.  Word spreads fast, and good tutors are always in high demand. 

Since it sounds like you two are beyond talking about this, we need to move on to Plan B.  As annoying as this situation is, the first thing to do is take a step back from the situation.  Stay calm, cool, and collected.  Getting angry won't help, and a smear campaign is only going to make things worse.

Instead, talk to the clients you have now.  For the tutee who mentioned having talked to your ex-friend, be honest about your concerns.  Let him or her know that there may be cheaper services out there, but that they get what they pay for.  Don't name names, and don't use this as an opportunity to stoop to your ex-friends level.  You are simply giving your client an idea of why you charge what you do. 

Offer loyalty incentives for current clients.  Give them bulk discounts for paying up front (guaranteeing future business).  Offer discounts after sticking with you for X amount of months.  Provide additional services, such as homework verification services, etc.  You get the idea - give little bonuses that keep your tutees coming back for more. 

Also, try widening your tutoring area.  Put up flyers at other schools.  Tutor other ages, such as elementary school or junior high.  Try advertising your tutoring at local community centers.  Anything to distance yourself from the pettiness that seems to be taking place on your school's bulletin boards.

Also, like I said earlier, just continue to provide great tutoring, and word will get around.  Good tutors are always in demand, and people will pay for quality.

Good luck!

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© sxc.hu/datarec

Field Notes: Never Assume

I wanted to share something that happened to me this week that I think might help another tutor out there. 

I just recently encountered something that, in my 17 years of tutoring, I have never had before - my tutee started crying during tutoring. 

It kind of came out of nowhere, really caught me off guard, and I just kind of froze at first.  I'm not a very emotional girl, and I don't come from a very emotional family, so I was kind of at a loss as to what to do. 

To make matters more unexpected, my tutee is a big, grown man (sports player) in his late-20s, who just went to pieces on me during tutoring. 

We obviously stopped what we were doing (going over equations), he took a few minutes, composed himself, and then we took a few minutes to talk. 

I asked him, without getting too personal, to let me in on what was bothering him.  I figured it was pure frustration with the material (calculus), and that he was fed up with the difficulties he was having with the class (he was barely getting a C-).

Turns out, it was far worse than mere coursework or tutoring frustration. 

He has an elderly relative who is very ill.  A relative he has been very close to since he was a kid, and the thought of losing this relative is breaking his heart. 

The tears didn't stem from frustration, but from being overwhelmed.  The situation with his relative, combined with working 40+ hours every week, family problems, sports obligations, and a full time course schedule, was just too much for him to handle. 

Understandably so.  It would have driven me to tears as well.

After talking for a few more minutes, we switched gears, and went into problem solving mode again. 

But this time it wasn't math problems we were solving.  This time we were going over some stress management strategies, laying out a better study schedule, and discussing ways that he could lighten his schedule a little bit. 

At the end of our 10 minute discussion, my tutee felt better, and I had learned something important. 

Never assume. 

Assuming that my tutee was simply frustrated would have made me miss out an opportunity to get to know my tutee better. 

My incorrect assumption also would have robbed my tutee of the opportunity to "get things off his chest."

The wrong assumption would have eliminated the possibility of having a constructive discussion with my tutee, and subsequently wouldn't have allowed me and my tutee to come up with some strategies for dealing with his schedule and stress level. 

So any tutors out there who find themselves in a similar tutoring situation, remember: Communication is key! Don't assume anything, and keep those lines of communication flowing between tutor and tutee. 

Anonymous in MA

Ask Micki: What to do?

© andreyutzu

Question: Hi, Micki, I need some assistance figuring out a situation with a tutee. 

Here's what's up. I have a tutee who is a good friend of mine.  I have tutored her in math for the past 3 years, algebra, geometry, and trigonometry.

Now, she has moved on to both a pre-calculus and a statistics course.  The pre-calculus is no problem at all.  We're working together with it, and it is going well.

The statistics class is another story, and I have to admit that I am lost.  Like, completely lost.  I have no idea about any of the concepts, and just don't feel comfortable at all tutoring her.  What can I do? 

Will it ruin our tutoring relationship if I find her another tutor? I know a student who is great with stat, and would be a good fit for my tutee's personality and schedule.  I just don't know if I should go for it or not.  Is it an unprofessional thing to do in the tutoring world?

Thanks,
Janet H.


Answer: Hi there, Janet! I think it is great that you have worked with your tutee for 3 years, and that you two have had such a successful tutoring relationship for so long - congrats! 

I also think that it is admirable that you put enough energy and care into your tutoring sessions that you recognize when it is time to refer your tutee to another tutor, and take the time to make it happen. 

The short answer?  Definitely give her that referral!

It is considered very professional to refer within the tutoring world.  Not only that, referrals between tutors are encouraged, and help to strengthen the professional tutoring community as a whole.  You want the best for your tutee, and if that means finding another tutor who can help her more effectively, that is the most professional thing you can do for her.

So refer away!  Your tutee will appreciate it, the referred tutor will appreciate it, and you will be happy sticking to tutoring pre-calculus.  Everyone wins!
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Photo Credit: © sxc.hu/andreyutzu
http://www.sxc.hu/profile/andreyutzu

Ask Micki: Mom wants to get involved

© ilco

Question: Hi, Micki.  I have a rare sighting that I want to share with you today.  It's a sighting that I rarely see when tutoring kids of the 21st century...

A mom who wants to get involved without being a total helicopter parent about it! :)

All joking aside, it is pretty refreshing, but I am stuck.  How can I get her involved with my tutee's math tutoring (2nd grader working on fractions right now)?

Thanks a lot!
Becca from FL

Answer: Hi, Becca, thanks for the chuckle!  It's great to hear that you have a tutee whose parent is enthusiastic, and wants to bet involved without helicopter parenting the lessons and tutoring. 

There are a definitely a few things that you can do to get Mom in on the math tutoring so that she can help your student throughout the week, between tutoring sessions.

1. Playtime
Have Mom play some fraction type games with her son.  I know, they sound boring, but trust me when I say that they can be made fun.  Paper crafted pizzas, cakes, and pies can easily be turned into a restaurant game - tons of fun!  Mom can order different combinations of foods, and have her son put the order together before delivering it to her.  She can even "tip" her waiter according to how correct her order was!

These paper fraction foods can also be used in a bakery or grocery store games, and Mom can place orders for various food combinations, just like with the restaurant game.  

2. Interim Tutoring
Have Mom supervise, and support, during her son's homework.  Something tells me this Mom already does this, but just in case she doesn't, get her involved.  Make sure she knows how important it is for her to check over her son's homework, and make sure that she feels comfortable stepping in as an interim tutor if he is having trouble with fractions between tutoring sessions. 

3. Question and Answer
Have Mom ask questions that get her son talking about his studies (in this instance, fractions).  Have you ever noticed that when you talk to someone else about concepts, they tend to stick in your brain?  By getting her son to talk about fractions, Mom will be able to help her son understand and verbalize his new subject matter.

4. Learning Everywhere
Make every day, and every event, a learning opportunity.  If the family heads out to a pizza parlor (yes, I love pizza!), Mom can have her son talk about the fractions involved for each whole pie.  If they go to a store, a baseball game, an arcade...wherever they go, have Mom keeping an eye out for fraction lessons that can be casually worked in to the event.

Good luck, and enjoy the great tutoring environment you have there.  Say thanks to his Mom for me, too - she sounds like a good parent!

*****
Photo Credit: © sxc.hu/ilco
http://www.sxc.hu/profile/ilco

Ask Micki: Math tutee in over his head.

© lusi

Question: Hello, Micki. I need help in a big way.  I just started tutoring a guy in mathematics, he's taking Calculus I. 

He's friendly, pays attention while we're tutoring, and is always on time for sessions.

In other words, he is a great tutee.  Except that he is having a lot of trouble with the math.  I mean a lot of trouble, as in he cannot do it.  On his first test he received a 35%, and the homework hasn't been going as well as we'd both like either.  I think, honestly, he's just in over his head.

He also told me that his parents used to pay a tutor to do his math homework for him while he was in high school. 

Obviously, this got him decent (unearned) grades in high school math, but has done him no favors now that he is in college. 

He is really trying to put in the effort, and get past this learning block, but it just isn't happening, even after a month of tutoring (3 days a week).  Should I tell him to drop the class?

Thanks,
MathDude01

Answer: Hey, there, MathDude01. 
Great name, by the way - no question in my mind about what you tutor :o)

Sounds like a tough situation. On one hand, you want to be encouraging, and help your tutee achieve all of the success that he strives for during his academic career.  On the other hand, you want to keep him grounded in reality, too, so that he doesn't fail the course for the sake of "hanging in there."

If it has been a month, and you're seeing no improvement at all (consistently low test scores, inability to work problems even after you two have gone over them several times, having a hard time grasping the concepts, etc.) then, yes, I would advise him to drop this math class, and opt for a lower level math course.

If he can get into a lower level math course, that will give him the opportunity to brush up on his math, get familiar with the material, and undo some of the intellectual damage that his parents did by paying for his high school grades.  

A lower level math course will also help him bolster his confidence in math, and give him the opportunity to practice his skills before moving on to Calculus I.

It's also important to keep in mind that only he can make the final decision. 

You're helping to guide him towards a class that would work out best for him, but he needs to make the final call. 

That said, approach the situation in a friendly, upbeat manner.  Chances are, he'll appreciate the advice, and will be much happier with the grades he'll be earning in his new (lower level) math class!

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Photo Credit: © sxc.hu/lusi
http://www.sxc.hu/profile/lusi

Ask Micki: New Ideas?

© ilco

Question: Hi, there, Micki.  It's a brand new year, and I'd like to start it off with a brand new set of ideas for my math tutoring sessions!

Any ideas on how to make math fun?

Just to give some background: my name is Lizzie and I tutor math for 3rd to 6th grade kids.

Thanks, and happy new year to you!
Lizzie, AZ

Answer: Happy new year to you, too, Lizzie, and thanks for the great question!

I'm always excited to get emails from people who love what they tutor, and want to add some pep and fun to their tutoring sessions. 

So how do you make those math problems jump off the page and capture the interest of your tutees?

First thing - find out what your tutee likes. If your tutee likes music, incorporate that into your tutoring. A lot of music relies on math, right down to the sixteenth notes used to compose songs. Grab some reading material on the subject, too, and help your tutee make the math-music connection. 

Is your tutee a young foodie?  Use the always popular pizza, pie, or cake learning technique to help explain fractions.  Have your young tutees color in a pizza (aka: a round piece of paper), and let them decorate it with their favorite toppings.  Then, slice up the pizza into small segments, and let your tutee practice adding and subtracting fractions using the pizza.  

Does your tutee like art?  It can also be a great math learning tool.  Trust me on this one - it is how I learned a lot of my ratios, percentages, and fractions!  Try coming up with word problems using paint colors (we need to use twice as much red as blue, the color purple is made up of 40% red and ?% blue, etc.), and watch budding artists take a sudden interest in math.

Maybe your tutee likes animals, dinosaurs, or sports.  You can incorporate practically any interest into math by using key elements in word problems or worksheets. 

One of my friends, for example, tutors a baseball fanatic.  So he uses baseballs, bats, and other baseball elements in all of the math worksheets that he provides to his tutee.  It works wonderfully.

And don't forget about those short breaks. Even the brightest mind can reach burnout status pretty quickly after staring at the same material for hours. Try to take a few short breaks, and let your tutee know that he's doing a great job.  Talk about school, or hobbies, and get away from the math work for a minute or two.

Have fun, and happy tutoring!

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Photo Credit: © ilco
http://www.sxc.hu/profile/ilco

Ask Micki: Overachiever situation

Question: Hi, Micki, I have a quick question about my tutee who is a self-proclaimed overachiever.

Usually this is a great thing, because he always puts in a lot of extra effort.  This past semester, my tutee needed to take calculus, and it has been a very difficult class for him.  He's tried his absolute best put in a lot of work, has done all of the homework and extra credit assignments...he's been a great tutee. 

Unfortunately, there are only a few weeks left in the semester, and my tutee currently has a C+/B-.  There is only one exam left, worth 10% of the total grade.  Which means, even if my tutee aces it, the highest he can get in the course is a B+.  He's convinced he can get an "A."

How do I gently break the news to my tutee that, at this point in the semester, an "A" is just not possible?

Thanks,
Jeremy

Answer: Hi, Jeremy. Sounds like you have a fantastic tutee, there, who's willing to put a lot of effort into learning!  That's a great thing, no doubt about it, but it can cause some minor problems when the grade in his head isn't matching up with the grade on his report card. 

The best thing for you to do right now is to be encouraging and supportive of your tutee's efforts (not just the grades he brings home). 

Let him know that he is laying a good foundation for success by staying so focused and determined with his work.

Tell him how useful his tenacity and study habits will be for future classes.

Above all else - mention that he can be proud of whatever grade he gets, because he achieved that grade by doing his best.

It may not completely erase his concern over the "A," but it will make him feel better, and it will help him gradually accept whatever grade he ends up with at the end of the course.

Good luck, and happy tutoring!

Ask Micki: How to Spark Math Enthusiasm.

© thegnome54

Question: Hi, Micki. I am working with a really great young kid who is just starting out in the world of mathematics.

We have just started working on the basics of addition and subtraction, but my tutee is kind of losing focus and excitement.  I think he's finding this a little tougher than it was at first, and his enthusiasm is waning a little.

Any idea how I can add some spark to the tutoring sessions, and make boring addition and subtraction more entertaining?

This will be his first year of school, and I am trying to get him started off on the right foot without boring him in the process - Thanks!
Pete W., WI

Answer: Hey, Pete, thanks for the great question! It's nice to know that there are tutors like you out there who are willing to go the extra mile to make math fun for kids!

The really good news is that addition and subtraction can both be made much more fun, for both you and your young tutee, by adding a few colorful games and puzzles into the mix. 

For example, maybe you can cut out some of his favorite shapes and work with those to physically show the results of adding and subtracting numbers.  If he loves dinosaurs, cut out 10 Triceratops, 10 T-Rex, 10 Pterodactyl, 10 Stegosaurus, 10 Plesiosaur...you get the idea.  Then, you two can take some time adding together each of the dinosaur types.

If we take away two Stegosauruses, how many do we have left?
Or: If we add three T-Rexes to five Triceratops, how many dinosaurs are there total?

You can also reach for some dice to add a gaming element to the math tutoring.  Dice have numbers (a necessity for adding and subtracting!), they are fun to roll, and (thanks to the dynamics of rolling the dice) they offer you an ever changing array of math possibilities.

Another popular method is to put together games and worksheets that look like tests or homework, but much more fun.  Brighten up boring black and white equations with some stickers and pictures.  Make up fun scenarios about why these equations have to be worked out - one tutor I knew created a whole scenario about a time machine, and how working out 10 equations would allow the time machine to take the tutee anywhere in time he wanted to go.

These fun versions of tests and homework sheets are also good, because they will help your tutee get used to the format of the tests and homework sheets he will see in school for the next several years.

And don't forget to check out the ITA resources for some addition and subtraction games that are sure to add some zest to your math tutoring!

Good luck and happy tutoring!
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Photo credits: © sxc.hu/thegnome54
http://www.sxc.hu/profile/thegnome54

Ask Micki: Tutee who HATES summer school

Question: Hi, Micki. I am tutoring a junior high kid in algebra, and he is not excited at all. He hates the fact that he's in summer school, and mentions (at least a dozen times per tutoring session) how he'd rather be having fun with his friends instead of studying.  To top it off, it's math, which as you probably know, isn't the most popular subject offered.

Any ideas or suggestions on how to perk up my bummed out tutee?
Thanks,
Allison C. in NJ

Answer: Hi, Allison.  I feel your pain...and the pain of your tutee - I had to take a summer trigonometry class myself back in high school, and it wasn't as fun as the swimming and beach BBQs I had been planning!

Believe it or not, what helped me most of all was time.  As I got to know my tutor, saw my grades improve, and realized that I could swim and BBQ after finishing my homework, an interesting thing happened - I started getting interested in the subject matter.  I think, sometimes, summer school students are so ticked off at missing out on vacation time that they resist being excited about tutoring or their classwork. 

Give him some time.  Chances are, he'll realize that summer tutoring isn't so bad after all, and there is still plenty of vacation time to enjoy.

If you want to speed things along, mention how much time he has after summer school/tutoring to hang out with his friends.  If you're feeling ambitious, calculate how many non-summer school, non-tutoring hours of vacation time he has to enjoy - chances are, it is way more than he thinks!

You could also try a change of scenery - find a large table to work at in the backyard, meet at an air conditioned library, etc.  Find a place that gives your tutee the feel on not being stuck at home, while also being a place that isn't distracting during tutoring.

You know what else helped me through my summer as a math tutee?  Having a friend with me.  No, I'm not talking about a distracting friend who snacks and plays video games while your tutee tries to work. :-)  

I'm talking about a friend who worked with me - we worked together on homework and during tutoring, challenging each other to be our best. 

Ask your tutee if he has a friend who is taking the same summer course.  If he does, and you feel comfortable with it, offer to tutor in a mini-group environment.  See if your tutee might be interested in having a tutoring group/study group with his friend.  It may make it a bit more entertaining for him, and it will let your tutee know that he is not the only kid in summer school.

Good luck, and happy tutoring!

Ask Micki: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Tutee

Question: Hello, Micki. I'm having a small problem that I am hoping you could help me with. My tutee, I'll call him Charlie, is a really friendly guy normally. We are actually friends at our university (we're freshmen), and I tutor him in Calculus on the weekends.

The problem is, during our tutoring sessions, Charlie is a totally different person. He gets really defensive when he doesn't know the answer to a question, criticizes the way I try to help him, is generally cranky, and sometimes he outright lies about knowing how to do a problem even when he really doesn't.

I don't know what to do. We're pretty good friends outside of the tutoring sessions, so it is kind of an awkward situation.

Thanks for your help!
~ Anonymous Math Tutor from Lansing, MI

Answer: Hi, there, Anonymous Math Tutor - sounds like an awkward situation, without a doubt!

First off, if the situation is really bad, and it is truly uncomfortable tutoring Charlie, it may be best to look elsewhere for a tutee. Dropping a tutee is difficult, but can become necessary if the sessions are uncomfortable to the point of being unproductive.

Some personalities mesh wonderfully in friendship, but not so well professionally.

That being said...Believe it or not, I've heard of this happening quite a bit with friends who start tutoring together. The thing is your friend/tutee is feeling kind of self-conscious right now because he is, essentially, admitting that you may know a bit more about math than he does.

He's putting himself out there and accepting help, not an easy thing for some people to do.

Charlie may also be having a tough time separating the business side of his life (tutoring sessions) with the personal side of his life (your friendship).

Add to that the fact that he is probably a little apprehensive about his class, new environment, grades, etc., and you can see how the situation may be a bit more tense than your usual tutoring sessions.

The good news is that practically every one I have talked to who has had this problem has told me that it just takes time and patience for the situation to take care of itself.

Be patient with Charlie, let him know that he is doing a great job, ask him about his class outside of your usual tutoring sessions, and let him know that you understand how difficult Calculus can be.

Most of all, stay friendly and professional during tutoring, and eventually you and Charlie will have a much better tutoring relationship.

Good luck, and as always, happy tutoring!

Ask Micki: Adding zest to your tutoring sessions

Question: Hi, Micki. I have a question about encouraging my tutee to be more excited about the subject matter we're working with during our sessions.

I absolutely love tutoring, and my tutee and I get along wonderfully. He's a bright kid, funny, and pays close attention to the math that we go over together.

The thing is, I feel bad that he is so bored by math, and would love to be able to make things more interesting for him. Just for a little background, he loves music, soccer, and guitars. Thanks!

Answer: Great question! I'm always happy to get emails from people who love what they do, and get along well with their tutees.

Even better, you're going above and beyond the call of tutoring duty to make the material jump off the page for your tutee. Good for you!

Now, how to get him more enthusiastic and involved in math?

The good news is that your tutee likes music! That is good news because a lot of music relies on math, right down to the quarter and half notes used to compose tunes. So, definitely go with that interest. Find articles about math and music being related, put together music related problems, and try to tie the two subjects together whenever you can.

As for his other interests - soccer and guitars - those can work, too. Make up some problems using soccer lingo or guitar talk. Trigonometry that deals with shadows on a soccer field, algebra that focuses on guitar-centric word problems...pretty much anything that even mentions his favorite hobbies can be useful in peaking interest in a less exciting subject.

You can also come up with some games that fuse his hobbies with mathematics. A music worksheet that deals with fractions, for example. These games work especially well with younger tutees, but if you can find some more sophisticated, complex games they would also work for older tutees.

And don't forget about short breaks. Even the sharpest mind can reach overload status pretty quick after staring at the same material for hours on end. Try to take a few short breaks in between problems. Let your tutee know that he's doing a great job, talk about school, and get away from the hardcore math for a minute or two.

Good luck and, as always, happy tutoring!

Ask Micki: Annoying tutee

Question: Hi, Micki. My question is about how to work with an annoying tutee. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, but one of my tutees is, well, really irritating.

A few examples: last week we had a 2:00 pm session scheduled. I got there at 2:00, but according to his watch, I was 3 minutes late. He said that, at the end of the session, he wanted a partial refund for the missing time.

On another occasion, he got angry at me because he had received a B on his last exam. He said that, since I was tutoring him, he should have received at least an A-; of course, he wanted some kind of refund for his trouble.

I am seriously thinking of dropping him as a client, because every one of our sessions together seems to leave me incredibly frustrated. What do I do?

Signed,
Ellen - a frustrated tutor in CA

Answer: Sorry to hear about your tough time - this tutee doesn't sound like too much fun to be around.

Unfortunately, there have been an increasing number of people who use the current economy as an excuse to abuse and intimidate businesses and freelancers (including tutors) into giving them refunds even when they are not legitimate. The current economy seems to be a gateway for people who feel entitled to everything under the sun and see no problem with making ridiculous demands.

Sorry to rant, but this is one of my pet peeves, and one that I have seen way too much of recently.

If you feel like you want to work this out with your tutee, sit down and have a quick talk with him about your expectations for the sessions, how perfect grades aren't guaranteed, how learning the material is just as important as the grade, how learning the material will gradually increase his grade point average over time, etc. Get his input on how he thinks things are going.

It would also be a good idea to mention that, while you can't refund minutes from a session, you would be more than happy to stay a bit longer to make up the time.

If none of this works, and you are still having problems with him, I would suggest dropping him from your client list.

People like him are stressful to work with, and in the long run your energy would be better spent finding new (better) clients, developing learning materials for your existing customers, etc.

Don't let this bad tutee get you down! There are plenty of wonderful tutees out there just waiting for a great tutor.

Good luck, and as always, happy tutoring!

Ask Micki: What to do about a lazy tutee?

This question was sent in by an anonymous tutor who is having problems motivating his tutee to learn.

Question: Hi, Micki. I have been tutoring for about 3 years now (mostly high school math), and have had nothing but great experiences. That is, until 2 weeks ago.

Two weeks ago I encountered, perhaps, one of the laziest tutees on earth! I started tutoring a 16 year old boy in basic statistics, and he really needs the help. His parents have already expressed their concern, and have given me the task of raising his grade from a D- to an A...in the next 4 weeks...yeah...Since it is a summer school course, and time was of the essence, we scheduled appointments for two days each week.

First, I talked to his parents and let them know, realistically, what could be done with his grade in only 4 weeks of tutoring. They understood, and were still happy for the tutoring help - they really just want him to pass the course with a decent grade. No problem, there!

But as soon as my tutee and I had our first tutoring session together, I knew it would be challenging (to say the least). He frequently gets up to "grab a sports drink," zones out while I'm talking, switches on the television, and even had the nerve to answer a phone call from his friend right in the middle of our tutoring session.

He is just not interested in learning or tutoring. What do I do with him? He's driving me crazy!
(from Anonymous)

Answer: Hi, Anonymous! You have a great question for me, and one that-I'm sure-has been asked by many frustrated tutors over the years. In fact, I remember asking myself this question a decade ago when I tutored a challenging tutee.

First of all, you did the right thing by talking to your tutee's parents about the situation, and I'm pretty sure that they know that the problem with their son's grades lies in his lazy attitude towards schoolwork.

As for your tutee: it sounds like it is important to start over with him. Lay out the tutoring rules again, and get him into a more learning friendly environment.

Try the following tips - I am sure they will help your tutoring sessions immensely.

1. Have a quick talk with your tutee about how important it is to minimize distractions so that he can get the most out of each tutoring session. Try to avoid coming across as a disciplinarian. Just be really upfront about the fact that he needs to learn this stuff to pass the class. If he knows how important the tutoring is, he may perform better.

2. Get rid of the distractions. I once had a tutee that was so distracted by the phone ringing, that it was almost as if he couldn't help himself from jumping up and answering it at least 10 times every time I tutored him.

So, we removed our tutoring session from the distraction. He and I began tutoring at the local library and, on occasion, the high school classroom. His concentration, and grades, skyrocketed! (usually by the time you have completed this step, you have a brand new, studious tutee on your hands)

3. Offer small tutoring session rewards. Maybe if the two of you get through a set number of math problems, or concepts, you can offer up a small gift card at the end of the month. This also works if you leave him with extra problems to try in between your sessions - if he finishes your worksheet, he gets some sort of "prize"!

4. Talk to the parents. Let them know that their son is having difficulty concentrating during the tutoring, and that it could impact his grades. They most likely have a good idea of what would motivate, and distract, their son, and may be able to offer you some great insight and suggestions for your future tutoring sessions. At the very least, this makes them aware of the problem and lets them know that it is not the tutor's fault that the tutee isn't performing.

5. Speak with the teacher. Is he not paying attention in class because he is goofing off, or is he genuinely having difficulty with the material. Let the teacher know that you are his tutor, and that you are concerned with his progress. It may even be necessary for him to be in lower level class at this point in time.

Whatever happens, good luck and happy tutoring!

Guest Post: Problems with Parents

This is a great guest post sent to us by a tutor who wishes to remain anonymous. It is all about dealing with the difficult parents of a tutee.
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Hi readers,

I've decided to submit this post anonymously for obvious reasons (I don't want to get involved in the parents reading this, etc.). It is a post that deals with the reality of tutoring high school mathematics, and the pitfalls that come with a teens difficult parents.

My tale starts out like any normal tutoring session. I showed up at my tutee's home, a nice suburban brick house, on a sunny Saturday afternoon.

I rang the bell and a tired looking 16 year old girl, I'll call her June (name obviously changed), answered the door. After making my way inside, we sat down and went through the usual introductions. I found out that she played volleyball, which she enjoyed, and that she was very worried about her algebra grade.

Unfortunately, during this 10 minute conversation, June's parents interrupted about 5 times. Not to introduce themselves, or offer some insight into their daughter's difficulties with her math class, but to remind her to "study fast - you have practice in 2 hours."

I was shocked and knew that there was a definite problem.

Throughout our hour long session, we were interrupted repeatedly, at least a dozen times, by June's parents.

June's mom stopped the session twice to ask about volleyball equipment, her dad interrupted us to talk about the upcoming game in 3 weeks, and there were other interruptions that ranged from carpool questions to discussions about "gearing up for the scouts that might be at the game next month."

By the end of the tutoring session June looked as frustrated as I felt and it was clear that nothing had been accomplished during the session.

I knew that we had 9 more tutoring sessions planned, but I also knew that they would be useless if the tutoring session conditions stayed the same. So I started thinking about what to do next.

Should I talk to the parents and risk confrontation? Should I suggest we meet elsewhere? I didn't want to create any tension or uneasiness, I just wanted to give June a chance to learn.

So, after a few minutes of though, I mustered up the courage to talk to her mom and dad. I let them know that June definitely needed help with her algebra, but that she was a bright young woman who seemed very capable of quickly learning the concepts.

I also asked if it would be all right to move our future tutoring sessions to the local library so that we would have access to all of the math books we could possibly need and a quiet place to study.

To my relief, June's parents said that library tutoring sessions would be fine with them, provided that they could be scheduled around practice and games. I was thrilled - I knew that we would have a much better chance of math class success if June was given an opportunity to concentrate.

So, for the next session June and I met after school at her local public library. The session went great, June picked up all of the concepts we went over, and by the end of the semester she had improved by an entire letter grade!

Now that she will be entering her Junior year of high school, we have planned regular tutoring sessions at the library. June is still a star volleyball player, but now she is a star math student as well!