Ask Micki: Negative Tutee

Question: Hi, Micki! I'm an English tutor who has been having some trouble with a tutee being really negative. Every time we get together for tutoring, he tells me "my professor hates me," "English stinks," "my professor wants us all to fail," etc. I've tried boosting his confidence during tutoring, but it's not helping. The tutoring sessions are really negative, and I think it is preventing him from learning the material. What to do?

Thanks,
Michelle W., English Tutor from Madison, WI

Answer: Hi, Michelle. Sorry to hear that your tutoring session have been such a downer. Negativity can drag down even the most positive tutor, and can be tough on both the tutor and the tutee. Since your tutee is frustrated with his course, maybe you could approach his learning style during tutoring. Maybe respond with something like:

"Sorry to hear that this class is giving you a hard time this semester. Let's check out a few of the things that are giving you grief. I'm sure we'll be able to work through the problems together, and give you a good understanding of the material."

" I don't think that your professor hates you. He/she may just have a different learning style than you do. Let's go through the material together so that you'll have a great understanding of things, even if your professor isn't totally clear."

"Let's review how you've been studying and doing your essays/homework. Maybe we can find some ways to streamline things a bit, and make your homework (and lecture) time less stressful."

Notice, in all of these responses, you're getting your tutee actively involved in finding tutoring solutions with you.

Now there are those rare cases when a professor and student really don't get along, or the professor is simply (forgive my tactless word choice) a jerk. In those cases, your tutee may not be able to solve things through tutoring. If the professor is really awful, he/she may need to go to the school administration to figure things out.

That being said, a lot of students are convinced that they have a prfoessor who is trying to fail everyone in the class. In most of those cases, a different learning approach during tutoring can help. And remember, a positive tutor can work wonders for confidence, self-esteem, and learning.

Good luck an, as always, happy tutoring!

Ask Micki: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Tutee

Question: Hello, Micki. I'm having a small problem that I am hoping you could help me with. My tutee, I'll call him Charlie, is a really friendly guy normally. We are actually friends at our university (we're freshmen), and I tutor him in Calculus on the weekends.

The problem is, during our tutoring sessions, Charlie is a totally different person. He gets really defensive when he doesn't know the answer to a question, criticizes the way I try to help him, is generally cranky, and sometimes he outright lies about knowing how to do a problem even when he really doesn't.

I don't know what to do. We're pretty good friends outside of the tutoring sessions, so it is kind of an awkward situation.

Thanks for your help!
~ Anonymous Math Tutor from Lansing, MI

Answer: Hi, there, Anonymous Math Tutor - sounds like an awkward situation, without a doubt!

First off, if the situation is really bad, and it is truly uncomfortable tutoring Charlie, it may be best to look elsewhere for a tutee. Dropping a tutee is difficult, but can become necessary if the sessions are uncomfortable to the point of being unproductive.

Some personalities mesh wonderfully in friendship, but not so well professionally.

That being said...Believe it or not, I've heard of this happening quite a bit with friends who start tutoring together. The thing is your friend/tutee is feeling kind of self-conscious right now because he is, essentially, admitting that you may know a bit more about math than he does.

He's putting himself out there and accepting help, not an easy thing for some people to do.

Charlie may also be having a tough time separating the business side of his life (tutoring sessions) with the personal side of his life (your friendship).

Add to that the fact that he is probably a little apprehensive about his class, new environment, grades, etc., and you can see how the situation may be a bit more tense than your usual tutoring sessions.

The good news is that practically every one I have talked to who has had this problem has told me that it just takes time and patience for the situation to take care of itself.

Be patient with Charlie, let him know that he is doing a great job, ask him about his class outside of your usual tutoring sessions, and let him know that you understand how difficult Calculus can be.

Most of all, stay friendly and professional during tutoring, and eventually you and Charlie will have a much better tutoring relationship.

Good luck, and as always, happy tutoring!