Ask Micki: Another Helicopter Parent Dilemma

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Question: Hi, there, Micki, I need some advice on an irritating situation involving my tutee's mom. 

I tutor an 18 year old student in math, and he is a really great tutee to work with every week.  He really puts in the effort, is always on time for tutoring, pays attention during tutoring, works extra time to understand the concepts, and always has his homework finished so that we can review it together.  In other words, he is a dream tutee!

Unfortunately, his mom is a complete helicopter parent, and won't let us work for more than about 5 minutes without interrupting.  I may sound as though I'm exaggerating, but I'm not.  Last time I tutored, I covertly timed how often we were cut off during tutoring.  It was, on average, once every 4 minutes.  She'd tell him he was doing the problem wrong, would tell him to make sure an pay attention (the irony!), or would interrupt to tell him about the chores he would have to do after tutoring.  Needless to say, this is creating problems for getting through tutoring sessions, and each session probably only contains about 30 minutes of actual tutoring thanks to all the interruptions.

She's a nice woman, but it is getting kind of annoying.  I've tried subtly asking for a quiet space with no interruptions, and have asked her politely for fewer distractions.  Even my tutee has asked her (very nicely) to stop interrupting.  It did nothing.  She doesn't insist that we meet at her home, so do you think it would be appropriate to move to another place?

Help, please!
Anonymous

Answer: Hi, Anonymous, thanks for the question, and sorry to hear that you're dealing with the dreaded chopper parent.  It can be tough, frustrating, and the constant disruptions can really rob your tutee of proper tutoring. 

That said, it may make you feel a bit better to know that you are not alone.  Helicopter parenting seems to be a growing phenomenon, and it is definitely creeping into the tutoring arena.  In fact, we have had our fair share of questions on this blog alone about how to work around this helicopter parenting.  It may not always be easy, but it can be done!

It sounds like you and your tutee have already taken the first step - good communication about the situation.  Since it didn't work out, it is time to go to Plan B. 

Yes, by all means, try someplace different.  Move to a different tutoring location, somewhere quiet where you can both concentrate on math.  Try meeting at your tutee's school, at a local library, or at a local community center room.  In all of these places, the tutoring environment is typically quiet, perfect for studying, and that there are often ample resources (math books, WiFi, online math tutorials, etc.) that you can both use during tutoring.

In fact, once the summer is over, and school starts up again, meeting someplace closer to your tutee's school (such as a local library, his school library, etc.) may work out great, and be easier for both of you when it comes to scheduling and convenience. 

Good luck!

Ask Micki: Younger sibling blues.

© theswedish

Question: Hi, Micki, I was hoping to get some help with a kind of delicate situation.  It's a little awkward, so I'll be keeping everyone's names (including mine) anonymous. 

See, I've been tutoring a student in 9th grade math for the past few months.  We meet once every week for an hour.  She's smart, pays attention, gets involved during the tutoring session, and is a pretty cool kid to tutor.

The problem is her younger brother.  I'll call him Mike (not his real name).  He's in the 7th grade, and is one of the most ill-behaved, annoying kids I have ever met.  He will walk by the table, knocking the books off of it on his way past us.  He'll throw pencils, erasers, and other things at us during tutoring.

Recently he's started throwing this little bouncy ball against the wall really hard, watching it bounce wildly around us while we try to work.

So far, I've tried ignoring it, but it didn't work, unfortunately. 

I also tried talking to his parents, but they just laughed, and said "Well, boys will be boys!"  Ugh. Annoying, and way less than helpful.

As you can tell, I'm getting frustrated, and am not sure what to do next.
Help!
Feelin' frazzled in FL


Answer:  Hi, there, Feelin' Frazzled, sorry to hear about your annoying situation.  You have my sympathy - that sounds really frustrating to deal with on a weekly basis!

The great news is, I am sure I can help find a way for you to keep tutoring your tutee with a lot less interference from her younger brother. 

First of all, I commend you for talking to his parents.  You did the right thing, and (in my humble opinion) they were not helpful to you, or to their daughter who is trying to be a good student in the midst of chaos.  By ignoring her needs and favoring the boy's bad behavior, they are doing everyone involved a disservice. 

That said, here are some options for you:

1. Talk to "Mike."
Let him know that it is really important that you and your tutee get some time to work together on her math.  Honestly, he seems like a disrespectful kid, though, so this may not work quite as well as I would hope.  That said, give it a try!  You never know.  He may just be desperate for attention, and you talking to him one-to-one may just be the attention he needs to snap him out of his annoying behavior.  Just remember to keep the conversation upbeat and positive. 

2. Move locations.
Since Mike is allowed by his parents to rule the home, you might try moving locations to a place where Mike isn't.  Try heading to the library, or another quiet area where you two can work.  If Mike is not there, then you two can focus more on getting the work done, and less about being harassed. 

3. Try ignoring him a little while longer.  Okay, obviously there is a shelf life for this idea - if it has been many months of no change, then ignoring him probably won't be effective.  However, if this is a fairly new behavior, ignoring him a little while longer may work wonders.  He may finally get bored and simply give up.

4. Try talking to the parents again.  Now, I know what you're thinking - it didn't work the first time, why do it again?  If you can sit down with them and impress upon them just how negatively the interruptions are affecting the tutoring sessions, they may be more inclined to start acting like parents and make some changes.  It is definitely worth a try.

Good luck, and please stop back by, and let us know what happened!

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Ask Micki: Math Tutee

Question: I have been tutoring my tutee in Algebra 1 for a while now, and it just seems like he is really having trouble getting the concepts. We'll work on things, and by the next session he has forgotten pretty much everything we covered the week before. I have no clue what to do about this!

Answer: This can be a pretty frustrating scenario or both you and your tutee. Here are the steps that I followed when I came across this problem just last year. The results were phenomenal, and my tutee was doing much better within 2 weeks:

1. Make sure that your tutee isn't over his or her head. Maybe the material is too advanced, or the class is moving too quickly. Have a friendly, non-threatening talk with your tutee and find out how the class is going. Ask how he or she feels about the material. You may even want to talk to the parents to make sure that everything is going well for their child in school.

2. If the class is moving at a comfortable pace, and your tutee is relatively confident with the material, it may just be a problem with knowledge retention.

Have your tutee work on a few problems every night. Trust me, this method works best when you provide rewards upon the completion of a worksheet or problems from the textbook. Don't think of it as a bribe, think of it as a reward for going above and beyond the homework (something that few kids actually want to do with their free time!).

Doing a few extra problems every night will help the knowledge stay fresh in your tutee's head.

3. Find ways to make the material relevant to your tutee's interests. I once tutored a kid whose whole life was basketball. He loved it. So, from then on, our lessons focused on basketball themes, or related to basketball. It made a huge difference in the attention he paid to the tutoring.

4. Let the tutee know that learning is a process, and he or she doesn't need to learn everything all at once. A little understanding and encouragement in your tutoring sessions can go a long way in boosting your tutee's confidence and pushing him or her to try a little harder with the material.

Good luck, and happy tutoring!