Ask Micki: Younger sibling blues.

© theswedish

Question: Hi, Micki, I was hoping to get some help with a kind of delicate situation.  It's a little awkward, so I'll be keeping everyone's names (including mine) anonymous. 

See, I've been tutoring a student in 9th grade math for the past few months.  We meet once every week for an hour.  She's smart, pays attention, gets involved during the tutoring session, and is a pretty cool kid to tutor.

The problem is her younger brother.  I'll call him Mike (not his real name).  He's in the 7th grade, and is one of the most ill-behaved, annoying kids I have ever met.  He will walk by the table, knocking the books off of it on his way past us.  He'll throw pencils, erasers, and other things at us during tutoring.

Recently he's started throwing this little bouncy ball against the wall really hard, watching it bounce wildly around us while we try to work.

So far, I've tried ignoring it, but it didn't work, unfortunately. 

I also tried talking to his parents, but they just laughed, and said "Well, boys will be boys!"  Ugh. Annoying, and way less than helpful.

As you can tell, I'm getting frustrated, and am not sure what to do next.
Help!
Feelin' frazzled in FL


Answer:  Hi, there, Feelin' Frazzled, sorry to hear about your annoying situation.  You have my sympathy - that sounds really frustrating to deal with on a weekly basis!

The great news is, I am sure I can help find a way for you to keep tutoring your tutee with a lot less interference from her younger brother. 

First of all, I commend you for talking to his parents.  You did the right thing, and (in my humble opinion) they were not helpful to you, or to their daughter who is trying to be a good student in the midst of chaos.  By ignoring her needs and favoring the boy's bad behavior, they are doing everyone involved a disservice. 

That said, here are some options for you:

1. Talk to "Mike."
Let him know that it is really important that you and your tutee get some time to work together on her math.  Honestly, he seems like a disrespectful kid, though, so this may not work quite as well as I would hope.  That said, give it a try!  You never know.  He may just be desperate for attention, and you talking to him one-to-one may just be the attention he needs to snap him out of his annoying behavior.  Just remember to keep the conversation upbeat and positive. 

2. Move locations.
Since Mike is allowed by his parents to rule the home, you might try moving locations to a place where Mike isn't.  Try heading to the library, or another quiet area where you two can work.  If Mike is not there, then you two can focus more on getting the work done, and less about being harassed. 

3. Try ignoring him a little while longer.  Okay, obviously there is a shelf life for this idea - if it has been many months of no change, then ignoring him probably won't be effective.  However, if this is a fairly new behavior, ignoring him a little while longer may work wonders.  He may finally get bored and simply give up.

4. Try talking to the parents again.  Now, I know what you're thinking - it didn't work the first time, why do it again?  If you can sit down with them and impress upon them just how negatively the interruptions are affecting the tutoring sessions, they may be more inclined to start acting like parents and make some changes.  It is definitely worth a try.

Good luck, and please stop back by, and let us know what happened!

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