Ask Micki: Negative Tutee

Question: Hi, Micki! I'm an English tutor who has been having some trouble with a tutee being really negative. Every time we get together for tutoring, he tells me "my professor hates me," "English stinks," "my professor wants us all to fail," etc. I've tried boosting his confidence during tutoring, but it's not helping. The tutoring sessions are really negative, and I think it is preventing him from learning the material. What to do?

Thanks,
Michelle W., English Tutor from Madison, WI

Answer: Hi, Michelle. Sorry to hear that your tutoring session have been such a downer. Negativity can drag down even the most positive tutor, and can be tough on both the tutor and the tutee. Since your tutee is frustrated with his course, maybe you could approach his learning style during tutoring. Maybe respond with something like:

"Sorry to hear that this class is giving you a hard time this semester. Let's check out a few of the things that are giving you grief. I'm sure we'll be able to work through the problems together, and give you a good understanding of the material."

" I don't think that your professor hates you. He/she may just have a different learning style than you do. Let's go through the material together so that you'll have a great understanding of things, even if your professor isn't totally clear."

"Let's review how you've been studying and doing your essays/homework. Maybe we can find some ways to streamline things a bit, and make your homework (and lecture) time less stressful."

Notice, in all of these responses, you're getting your tutee actively involved in finding tutoring solutions with you.

Now there are those rare cases when a professor and student really don't get along, or the professor is simply (forgive my tactless word choice) a jerk. In those cases, your tutee may not be able to solve things through tutoring. If the professor is really awful, he/she may need to go to the school administration to figure things out.

That being said, a lot of students are convinced that they have a prfoessor who is trying to fail everyone in the class. In most of those cases, a different learning approach during tutoring can help. And remember, a positive tutor can work wonders for confidence, self-esteem, and learning.

Good luck an, as always, happy tutoring!