Question: Hello, Micki. I'm having a small problem that I am hoping you could help me with. My tutee, I'll call him Charlie, is a really friendly guy normally. We are actually friends at our university (we're freshmen), and I tutor him in Calculus on the weekends.
The problem is, during our tutoring sessions, Charlie is a totally different person. He gets really defensive when he doesn't know the answer to a question, criticizes the way I try to help him, is generally cranky, and sometimes he outright lies about knowing how to do a problem even when he really doesn't.
I don't know what to do. We're pretty good friends outside of the tutoring sessions, so it is kind of an awkward situation.
Thanks for your help!
~ Anonymous Math Tutor from Lansing, MI
Answer: Hi, there, Anonymous Math Tutor - sounds like an awkward situation, without a doubt!
First off, if the situation is really bad, and it is truly uncomfortable tutoring Charlie, it may be best to look elsewhere for a tutee. Dropping a tutee is difficult, but can become necessary if the sessions are uncomfortable to the point of being unproductive.
Some personalities mesh wonderfully in friendship, but not so well professionally.
That being said...Believe it or not, I've heard of this happening quite a bit with friends who start tutoring together. The thing is your friend/tutee is feeling kind of self-conscious right now because he is, essentially, admitting that you may know a bit more about math than he does.
He's putting himself out there and accepting help, not an easy thing for some people to do.
Charlie may also be having a tough time separating the business side of his life (tutoring sessions) with the personal side of his life (your friendship).
Add to that the fact that he is probably a little apprehensive about his class, new environment, grades, etc., and you can see how the situation may be a bit more tense than your usual tutoring sessions.
The good news is that practically every one I have talked to who has had this problem has told me that it just takes time and patience for the situation to take care of itself.
Be patient with Charlie, let him know that he is doing a great job, ask him about his class outside of your usual tutoring sessions, and let him know that you understand how difficult Calculus can be.
Most of all, stay friendly and professional during tutoring, and eventually you and Charlie will have a much better tutoring relationship.
Good luck, and as always, happy tutoring!
2 comments:
I can sympathize. I have a tutoring business and my tutees have been pretty food so far but there is one that I'm ready to drop after I get him through his midterm. He's in high school and needs to pass but he doesn't want to put the work in. I contacted his teacher and got the inside scoop for him about what will be on the midterm, made him a conclusive study guide, and he has done nothing. I've gotten to the point where I don't care and just want to get through our last two sessions and hope his parents forget my number next semester.
Wow, Anonymous, sounds like you have really gone the extra mile for this tutee. The conclusive study guide was a great idea - I would have loved to have had something like that from my tutors back in high school!
I think, unfortunately, sometimes is just comes down to being stuck with a lazy tutee. Good luck, and I hope that he either improves, or that you don't get stuck with him next semester!
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